There comes a time in every woman’s life when all of her friends begin to get engaged. This has begun in my life and I’ll tell you that the first one is always a shock.
Friend: “Can you believe I’m getting engaged?! I mean who would have thought me before you?”
Me: “Wow! Congratulations. This is such a shocker but seriously…is this one of those sick, un-funny jokes you’re known for?”
As soon as the shock wears off and everyone begins to accept the announcement, it happens again! You see what’s happening is called, “The Wedding Itch.” It’s a phenomenon that begins in your twenties and spreads throughout your group of friends like a diamond-filled wildfire. The next couple to get engaged is slightly less shocking. In this case it was my friend who could never hold a girlfriend down. I mean, seriously didn’t they just meet?
Me: “Congratulations on your engagement to Sandy!”
Friend: “Her name is June.”
Me: “I’ll be honest… she looks more like a Sandy.”
The next thing you know, you’re spending hundreds of dollars on gifts, bridesmaid’s dresses and therapy because if your mother is anything like mine, you’ll need it.
It’s not that I don’t want to get married; I do! (See what I did there?) I have an incredible boyfriend, a cat, an apartment and we are legitimately happy. But let me be frank here, I work in Diamonds… I know Diamonds, who in their right mind would want to buy me a ring? Would you want to make a burger for Bobby Flay? Or play the sax for Bill Clinton? Of course not! How nerve-wracking would that be? However, when he does decide to cave in I don’t want him losing sleep about it. With that in mind, I have decided to create a simple list of guidelines for guys like mine. Guys who could someday soon be looking to update their relationship status:
Does the shape of the diamond look like something she might be okay with wearing for the next 50 some-odd years? There are some shapes that go in and out of style; try to stay away from these. Unless you have directly heard her oohing and aweing over a friend’s octagon-shaped diamond she probably doesn’t want one. Let me put things in perspective. Remember when Back to the Future came out and you were all like, “Yeah, I’m totally going to buy a rad DeLorean with my savings!” Now remember how you felt a few months later when your parents kicked you out and all you could get for the car was a Wham! cassette and a Labyrinth poster? You spent thousands of dollars on something that went out of style faster than those acid wash jeans you swore you got rid of… Okay, enough with the eighties references. See, with an engagement ring you want to pick something that will endure. Even if she’s “funky” or “different” almost every girl can appreciate a timeless-looking diamond. Still convinced she’d rather have a shark tooth over a diamond? Perhaps you should opt for a fun, wild setting instead. After all, she can always change that without hurting your feelings.
Are you thinking of selling a kidney for this ring? If your answer is yes, please step away from your computer and drive to your local bar. You need a friend and FAST. I will speak for myself when I say the price my guy pays for a ring will be scrutinized more than the ring itself. “You spent a cruise to Cancun, a '98 Toyota and a Forest Gump DVD on this thing?!” That’s exactly what I would say. Here’s the thing; I don’t want to start off this phase of our life without savings or with extra debt. Put your money into the stone. That’s where I recommend you invest. Trust me when I say: a simple setting with a nice diamond is better than a brown diamond in an elaborate setting.
Size does matter! Relax, wipe the sweat from your forehead and continue reading. Diamond size is super important. For me, I’m a small person. I get mad when my finger nail snags my sweater, so I can’t imagine having a 5 carat Diamond on my finger knocking into and shredding everything within an arm’s length. I mean it’s nice to have a weapon when you’re walking to your car at night, but that’s what my Taser’s for. I would much rather have a modest diamond that is “Blow-my-friends’-minds-adorable” than a huge stone and tattered clothing. I dare not speak for every woman on this subject, though. For every girl out there like me, there are just as many who would opt for the big stone. In fact, I’m confident in saying that I’m probably in the minority here. My point is that it matters to us. So look at the jewelry she wears and listen when she talks trash about her friends’ rings because she is inevitably dropping little hints for you.
It’s the thought that counts? While you may be chuckling to yourself thinking, “Yeah right, crazy lady. I’m not falling for that again.” I’m here to tell you it’s true. When it comes down to it you aren’t asking her to wear a Yankees cap (gag) or make you a sandwich (I dare you to even try.) You’re asking to marry her, build a life together and grow old with her. The truth is those thoughts mean more to us girls than any ring could. I mean, when we were little we played “House” not “Ring”... you know?
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